Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Splish-Splash Blood Bath - Goulet vs. Hieron

Welcome to Leg Kick TKO, a MMA blog that’s less coherent than James Toney.

MMA is a violent sport, with knockouts, joint damage and cuts.  Lots and lots of cuts that spew, spray, drip, gush, and leak blood.  That’s what Splish-Splash Blood Bath is all about, showcasing some of the more horrible cuts and blood-soaked fights.  It will only be a monthly feature, for the benefit of more delicate readers.  What better way to start this gross feature than with the fight Dana White has called the bloodiest he’s ever seen and has refused to have it rebroadcast (Thanks random YouTube person for flouting copyright laws!).

Jay Hieron is a wrestler, Jonathan Goulet is a kickboxer with a weak chin and the dumbest hair in MMA.  Blood-wise, the first round is uneventful, as Hieron keeps Goulet on the mat with his wrestling prowess.  Fight-wise, it’s a good round, with Hieron threatening a few times with a rear naked choke, and landing a nice slam at the end of the round.

Round two is when things pick up.  Goulet opens up Hieron with a knee about thirty seconds in, and it starts bleeding so quickly that Goulet backs off, trying to draw the ref’s attention.  Hieron gets another takedown, so now he’s dripping blood all over Goulet.  The ref intervenes to get a doctor to check out the cut, but it’s not too bad at this point, so Hieron gets put back on top of Goulet.  Hieron is probably nervous about the fight getting stopped later, so he fishes for a guillotine, but can’t hold on to it.  Goulet pretty much just targets Hieron’s face-wound from the bottom.  Goulet actually looks frustrated a few times whilst on his back from all the blood covering his arms, torso, neck and face.  Towards the end of the round, Hieron slides around to take Goulet’s back, but slips right off.  Hieron kicks Goulet off and attempts to get back to his feet, but basically runs his head into another knee from Goulet.  The round ends with Goulet on top of Hieron, landing ground and pound while Hieron’s head blood pools around him.

Between rounds, famed cutman Stitch Duran puts a napkin to Hieron’s face and then packs it with roughly six tubs of Vaseline.  Hieron clinches up with Goulet, takes his back standing, and muscles Goulet into the fence.  Goulet punches Hieron in his cut a few times, they separate, and Goulet lands another knee to the face.  The ref steps in to have the cut evaluated again, and this time the doctor decides to stop the fight.

What Did We Learn?
  • Knees are vehemently opposed to blood, especially face blood, staying inside the body (So cover your knees if you’re going to be walking around).
  • MMA doctors need to see at least three pints of blood on the mat before stopping a fight.
  • If you are a wrestler, learn another discipline so you don't just bleed all over your opponent and end up losing the fight because you can't finish